Football Manager Owns my SoulWikipedia on video game addiction
Another addict
Dopamine science,
...and explained in layman's terms
I'm completely drained from a 30 hour orgy of excess. You see, I returned to Football Manager. Football Manager is a soccer simulation game. Unlike in FIFA or Winning Eleven, you manage players rather than directly control them i.e. you watch dots move around on a 2-d field and respond with tactical tweaks, among other things. It's like glorified Pokemon, mixed with chess and crack, minus the visual appeal.
I last visited Football Manager back before Thanksgiving. On the night before I was going to fly home, I stayed up all night playing, just because I knew I wouldn't have to function during the second half of the next day. After literally hundreds, perhaps thousands of hours of playing over the previous half year, I decided that enough was enough and uninstalled it. When I told Dusty, he broke out into a shit-faced grin and gave me a massive double-handed high-five to celebrate the fact that I was reclaiming my life.
However, in a moment of absolute stupidy yesterday afternoon, around 3pm, I downloaded the demo version for Football Manager (FM) 2008. I should have known better-- it was originally a demo for FM 2006 that inspired me to enter my credit card number and cough up $30 bucks to unlock the full game.
Anyhow, the past 30 hours have unfolded much like they probably do for an ex-alcoholic who returns to the brew: my addicting returned with a post-latency, life-wrecking vengeance. Despite having slept for 4-5 hours the night before, I stayed up until 5am playing, then missed both my classes the next day (today). I also skipped everything else (eating included) up until a meeting at 7:30, after which I immediately returned to the game. This, despite the fact that I have an essay due tomorrow which I have not yet started, as well as a shit load of other work. Luckily for me, the demo cut me off about 30 minutes ago, and I returned with gut-wrenching severity into the blackness of the real world.
-FT (or Bogfoot, if Dusty has his way)
1 comment:
Addiction - courtesy of an especially "poetic" member, hopeless, of www.medhelp.org forums.
The craving for something you cannot control.
Unlearned dependence to something you feel you need.
A desire to get lost in a world you do not understand.
Day to day, hour to hour, your dependency on substance
Will never lead to your dependence on life.
Not living reality, living disaster; not living your fullest, living lost.
The wanting to make it through a simple ordeal feels unattainable,
Unless something can carry you across the line.
The boundary of hope is shrinking with each second that ticks,
As the dependency draws you under.
Through the mind,
dependence on something of lessor value,
Than the value of your hard work and striving to continue on.
It's something that makes reality seem better,
Yet it can never be reality, only disillusion.
If addiction is what you need,
Be addictive to love, caring, friendships, nature.
Be addictive to reality, and making dreams come through.
Take the time to know who you are,
Where you are going and how to get there.
Love yourself as you are, without the substance,
That makes you who you are not.
OH what a beautiful poem. You should take this to heart, Bog Foot.
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